Before you read this, you ought to know that I’m prone to nose-bleeds. More often than not I catch them before they start, but there can sometimes be no warning for it, which means I end up with blood dripping.

I was in the gents on Thursday and noticed a couple of blood spots on the floor outside one of the cubicles. Assuming that it must have been from when I had a nosebleed earlier in the day, I went into a cubicle to grab some toilet paper with which to rub it away. I noticed another spot on the floor in the cubicle, and went to wipe that up, before the door swung back to its start position behind me.

Immediately that happened, somebody came in to use one of the urinals and proceeded to fart continuously for about thirty seconds, sighing occasionally on the way. I wasn’t locked in the cubicle, so its fair to assume whoever it was, he thought he was alone – and as such, I could hardly burst out of the cubicle shouting ‘Surprise!’ because it would be deeply embarrassing for both of us.

Eventually, somebody else came into the room and (fortunately) went into the adjacent cubicle, making a gagging noise as they sat down. I heard person one leaving the room, but was now confronted with the point that the person next to me didn’t actually know I was in the cubicle, and it would be a little bit odd that I was hiding in there while whoever was at the urinals did whatever they were doing.

After about twenty seconds, I figured the best plan of action would be to enter the toilets as if coming in anew, and came out of the cubicle, pushed the door behind me, went straight back into the cubicle (so the door didn’t shut and make the noise of somebody coming out) pretended to blow my nose, and then went back out in a normal manner washing my hands as I went.

The moral of the story, I assume, is ‘whatever the reason you go into a toilet cubicle, lock it behind you’.